Shaun Experiences The Labia.

The Labia. Experienced By Shaun.

As an adventurous and free spirit, I am someone who enjoys trying weird and wonderful things at least once, and will then often try it again and again, like a fat child who doesn't know when to stop eating. Recent first-time adventures include using this "Google" thing (3 weeks ago) as well as having sex (2 weeks ago).

So it was with great excitement then, when The Girlfriend took me to the Labia Theatre, in Orange Street, Cape Town.

Whenever I think of The Labia Theatre, my mind invariably turns to screenings of off-beat artsy films, gay and lesbian cinema festivals, weirdly dressed hippies and slightly mouldy old people in soft pastel colours. This isn't necessarily the case though. Sure, all of these ARE there, although to be fair to the hippies - they were not THAT weirdly dressed - one of them had on the same pair of Hello Kitty sandals that I was sporting.

... Not LITERALLY the same pair, obviously. It was identical to mine. We were both wearing our own pairs. They just happened to be identical.

Anyhoo, at the Labia, you have the ability to drink copious amounts of alcohol whilst watching your film, a right I have long fought over with the management of Ster Kinekor as well as Nu Metro, who unjustly seem to frown upon this, and who have regularly ejected me whenever I bring out a trusty six-pack from the confines of the rucksack I carry around with me.

The Labia seating arrangements are also far superior to the larger complexes, allowing you to bring a blanket, a basket and basically have a picnic in your seat. It's that big.

A bit of a Cape Town institution, it was opened way back in 1940, by Queen Labia, the famous Cape Town transvestite who just wanted a place to watch his movies and drink his beer, without getting hassled by Ster Kinekor and Nu Metro staff. And so a cultural hotspot was developed, and became a place much loved by hundreds of regular patrons, like Table Mountain, or the slightly skanky-looking blonde who lives in the block of flats next to the HQ. (What DOES she do?)

What is interesting is that apparently the Labia might be closing down. As anyone who has driven passed will know, there is currently a lot of construction taking place. Rumours seem to suggest that the owners are mulling with the idea of selling it off, to be demolished and replaced with luxury 2-bedroomed flats.

Which means I may have to smuggle beers into my rucksack again, and risk being crushed by the fearsome Neville, from the Cavendish Ster Kinekor.

Seriously, he could - I heard he has a bionic arm.

You can contact the Labia at (021) 424 5927 or email them at theatre@labia.co.za to find out what's playing.



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