All In A Day’s Work

“So Shaun, why haven’t you been writing,” you may be asking belligerently. The truth is, you probably have every reason to be belligerent. I’ve been decidely mediocre recently (I think I’ve written 20 posts over the past 4 months) It feels even worse right now, as I have completely run out of steam, I have all the inspiration of a dry piece of toast (see what I mean?), and have zero inclination to write anything worthwhile. Of course, this being a blog, I could go the easy route and just throw on some YouTube clips I find on Reddit or the Twitter, but I’ve always felt a little cheap whilst doing that, like a young male intern having sex with his female manager, in order to get a parking space near the entrance to the building where he works.

Besides the writer’s block, the other thing I’m grappling with is a bit of an identity crisis. No, not as in wearing silky panties and walking around in stillettos when The Girlfriend is away (Although I’ve been told that silky panties feel phenomenal on the thighs, and stillettos add valuable height)

What I mean is, I’ve been thinking about which direction to take this blog. Using my real name has its limits, as I do have a bit of a professional reputation to think of. I’ve been thinking about turning this into more of a work-related website (You do know what I do for fun when I’m not doing this, right?) but that might piss on all the good will and readership I have built up over the years, talking about being flatulent in cars, an alternative guide to public speaking, and other things of that ilk.

So yes, things to mull over for a few days.

Anyhoo, let’s chat again tomorrow, when I have something more interesting to talk about.

Hey?

The Loeries?

Oh RIGHT, I haven’t mentioned the Loeries yet. Okay, so on Sunday, I checked out the Loeries, which is like the Oscars of the advertising world. The awards itself was a little drawn out, not helped by the unfunny host they had. (Some gay dude who changed outfits before each segment – he was completely lame) Here is a pic I took inside the Good Hope Centre (I know) so you can see that I was actually there.

There were some really amazing digital campaigns being run, couple with quite a few “meh” ones. Overall, I enjoyed the experience though. It was a bit like losing your virginity to an average looking older woman – sure, you were not THAT blown away, but you were glad you did it all the same.

Funniest moment of the night was probably when the karaoke singer Danny K and his mate Kabelo got on stage and sang their hit single “Shout” (it sold more than 20,000 copies you know)

Having them perform in front of Cape Town’s most jaded and cynical crowd was probably not the wisest move.

Kabelo: Let me see everybody stand up!!!
[Audience remains seated]
Kabelo: Let me hear you say “Yeeeeah!”
Audience: ….
Kabelo: Let me hear you say “Oh Yeah!”
Audience: …
Kabelo: Let me hear you say “Shout shout!”
Audience: …

Kind of felt bad for Danny K, he clearly knew he was on a hiding to nothing, and did not really want to be there.

Okay, I’ve said enough for one day. Let’s chat tomorrow.

I have some free stuff I want to give you.

Oakes signing off.

Spotted Outside Beluga In Cape Town

This made me giggle softly, the way a young bookish varsity student might giggle as he has his winky touched for the first time.

If you have see this billboard outside Beluga in Cape Town, take a creative pic and send it to me.

I might send you a freebie. I might not.

I’ll keep you guessing though.

Oakes signing off.

And The Marine Taxi Debacle

So many of you have wanted to know what’s the latest on Ursula Brown and the PR Fail involving Marine Taxis.

Read it if you haven’t yet, otherwise this post will make no sense to you. I’m not going to recap everything, this is not an episode of “Days of Our Lives”, where you can watch one episode after 6 months and immediately know everything that has gone on in that time frame.

Anyoo, here with a quick status update:

At this point, Ursula Brown, has not communicated with me since our earlier email correspondence two Fridays ago.

She has however, been on 2Oceansvibe Radio with Seth Rotherham and Richard Hardiman, where she admitted on air to not knowing much about social media. (this despite earlier boasting about her “two ex-husbands and three sons in IT”)

Since then, she has also dropped a few comments on the subsequent blog post at 2Oceansvibe over here.

She is still pretty much sticking to her guns and saying that I was in the wrong, as an extract from a comment she left on 2Oceansvibe below shows:

The point is..Mr Shaun Oakes stated that details on his site was “advertising” thus the request for a signed proof. As it turns out, it was NOT ADVERTISING, but an erroneous report riddled with inaccuracies such as claiming that Marine Taxi drivers had “weapons training” and incorrectly called Marine Taxis – Marine Heart Taxis. As Mr Oakes had no contact details on his website, an email was sent via the contact us option..

An “erroneous report”. Also known as a blog post, Ursula.

Anyway, it’s probably pointless to continue harping on about it all, she doesn’t seem to have a clue, and it would be a bit like in that movie “Million Dollar Baby”, where the black boxer beats up the slightly retarded white guy in the ring, whilst Morgan Freeman mops up the shit in the toilets. The fact is that Ursula Brown’s rather flippant attitude has caused considerable online PR damage to the brand she is supposed to represent, Marine Taxis.

If you do a Google Search for “Marine Taxis”, 7 out of 10 results are about this PR debacle, and it has been shared by hundreds of people on Facebook and Twitter.

Here are some of the online mentions:

http://www.bangersandnash.com/hey-fool/marine-taxies-commit-suicide/

http://mycapetown.co.za/news/2010/09/marine-taxis-shows-us-the-best-way-to-fail/

http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2010/09/20/marine-taxis-shows-us-the-best-way-to-fail/

http://imod.co.za/2010/09/20/marine-taxis-saga-marine-heart-taxis/

http://topsy.com/www.shaunoakes.com/2010/09/marine-taxis-poor-pr/?utm_source=pingback&utm_campaign=L2

http://www.shaunoakes.com/2010/09/marine-taxis-poor-pr/

http://www.slxs.co.za/2010/09/19/kill-your-brand-in-one-day-the-marine-taxis-way/

http://webtechlaw.com/posts/the-blogger-the-taxi-company-and-the-streisand-effect.html

Hilariously, there now also seems to be a Twitter account set up, called http://twitter.com/MarineTaxisPR

So all in all, quite the shit storm that again, could so easily have been averted, had Ursula Brown only used some common sense.

Okay, so that is that then. Now you know.

Oakes signing off.

No, I Didn’t Forget About It

Remember the other day I was talking about the Smirnoff Hamper I was giving away? You don’t? Okay, then click on the link in the previous sentence, and it will all make sense.

Anyhoo, so it involved a secret event that Smirnoff are doing, called a “Nightlife Exchange” (said whilst making quotation marks with my fingers on either side of my head)

Here is the press release if you are interested:

Smirnoff launches the world’s first nightlife exchange project

In an ambitious move set to break new ground in nightlife experiences, the world’s leading vodka brand Smirnoff has unveiled ‘The Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange Project’. Continuing on a mission to inspire and enable more one-of-a-kind experiences, this bold attempt will see 14 countries work with respected nightlife figures to discover and celebrate the best elements of their country’s nightlife. These ideas will be captured online, packed-up in a crate and transformed into exciting event experiences. In an epic finale on 27th November, the world will swap nights, with each country exchanging the best of their nightlife with that of another.

The Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange Project puts these fans and the general public at its very center. Participants are invited to make suggestions for what represents the best of South Africa’s nightlife which will be captured via a dedicated hub on Facebook, www.facebook.com/SmirnoffSA. These suggestions might be a specific type of music, a locally-conceived cocktail or a fashion trend unique to our country. Once the suggestions are in, it will be up to the local expert Curator in each country to decide what will represent the very best of each country’s nightlife in the exchange.

Smirnoff South Africa will be working with DJ Fresh and DJ Euphonik as South Africa’s curators. Both are well respected personalities in the South African nightlife scene, and will work to discover and celebrate the best elements of South Africa’s nightlife and create the one of a kind South African event that will be exchanged with one of the other countries.

DJ Euphonik says “It’s an honour to be asked to represent something as huge as The Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange Project. In the last year or so I’ve had the privilege of travelling to Miami, London, Ibiza and New York and I from what I’ve seen, South Africa has more to offer than the rest of the world anticipates and being part of the team responsible in exposing that is an amazing feeling.”

The Nightlife Exchange Project will take place in 14 countries located in six different continents and they include: South Africa, USA, Argentina, Brazil, Canada, Germany, India, Lebanon, Poland, Thailand, Ireland, Great Britain, Australia and Venezuela.

The ingredients of South Africa’s nightlife will be revealed on 22 October 2010. Once revealed, South Africa will exchange with crates with one of the other countries to experience on November 27. South Africa will exchange its nightlife experience with one of the 13 other countries, the big question to be answered… which country will it be?

Starting 13 September, South Africa’s crate will tour 4 cities – Johannesburg, Durban, Port Elizabeth and Cape Town – collecting participant’s ideas to be sent to the exchange country.

This project is expected to surpass the enormity of the much revered Smirnoff Experience MashUp Street, headlined by world #1 DJ, Tiesto, in Johannesburg earlier this year.

Adrian Petersen, marketing manager for Smirnoff says, “The Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange Project is a display of Smirnoff’s continuation in staging original events of global scale. We believe in pushing boundaries and have taken things a notch higher since the aftermath of MashUp Street. Smirnoff will connect the world in a shared cultural exchange of the best nightlife experiences from around the world and the result will be memorable night that is emblematic of the current global nightlife culture.”

Submit your ideas to help shape this unique global experience and find out how you can join the worldwide party on 27 November 2010. Visit www.facebook.com/SmirnoffSA and make your suggestion as to what makes South Africa’s nightlife unique.

Not for Sale to Persons Under the Age of 18. Drink Responsibly.

For more information visit:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/SmirnoffSA
Twitter: SmirnoffSA

Oh, and the winner of the hamper is none other than Alyssa (not sure what your surname is). You should be receiving your hamper shortly, but give me a shout if you run into any hassles.

Okay bye.

Let’s chat again tomorrow.

Oakes signing off.

Can Someone Help Me?

Someone was raving to me about Locnville a few weeks back, and I didn’t have a clue what they were on about. At first I thought it was some trendy new Cape Town nightclub I should be knowing about, and so just went along with the conversation. (“Oh, you’re digging Locnville’s vibe? Yeah, me too, me too. Locnville’s going to be BIG this year, mark my words.”) Eventually I blew my cover when I declared that I would have sex with Locnville if I could, but I couldn’t because it was physically impossible. It was then carefully pointed out that:

1. This is in fact, physically possible.
2. That my insistence on wearing salmon-coloured shirts and poloneck tops now all made sense.

All jokes aside though, I have subsequently been seeing and hearing a lot of the twin brother musical duo called Locnville, and to be honest, I’m not quite sure what their vibe is about.

Their music can be pretty accurately described as “Meh”, combining electronica with deep voiced singing / rapping. I think the fact that The Girlfriend declared them to be “Yum” has also made me resent them slightly. I don’t think I have ever been declared “Yum” by The Girlfriend, which saddens me.

I think the novel thing about them is that they sound like a bunch of burley black guys. If you didn’t see them, you would never guess that they are actually skinny white boys. Compare their music video called… wait, let me check quickly… “Sun in my pocket”.

Then have a look at the following, which is from a British dude called Tiny Tempah. This is my favourite song in the whole wide world right now, and it kind of sounds like something that Locnville could sound like, if they were cooler or tried harder. And were less lame.

Boom.

Hey?

Which one did you prefer?

The intro to the last one gives me a bit of a semi, I’m not going to lie.

So yeah Locnville, you are doing well right now, and The Girlfriend thinks you are both hot, but I think you can do better. You haven’t won me over yet.

Oakes signing off.

Priceless

So today (Friday), amid the usual crazy and weird emails I get on a daily basis, I also received this rather stern one from someone claiming to be the Public Relations rep for Marine Taxis.

Who are Marine Taxis?

Well, they are a taxi service based in Cape Town, and Ursula Brown, their PR guru in question, took particular offense to a blog post I wrote.

More than 2 years ago.

You can read it here.

What followed was some back and forth emails, which became more and more bizarre. Please read the correspondence below:

a form has been submitted on September 17, 2010, via: http://www.shaunoakes.com/contact/

Contact Shaun Oakes
Your Name:	Ursula Brown
Email:	****@marinetaxis.co.za
Website:	www.marinetaxis.co.za
Message:	Mr Oakes.. Note yr request about what not to do when corresponding with yrself. But I must say that this is a serious case of the pot calling the kettle black as u seem to have done this yourself with yr unsubstantiated uncommented “story” on your site which even our “hijacked” logo. Please remove this story asap…… pronto……..

---

Shaun Oakes wrote:
From: Shaun Oakes
Sent: 17 September 2010 12:44 PM
To: ****@marinetaxis.co.za
Subject: Re: A comment from Ursula Brown

Hi Ursula,

I don’t understand your email. Which story are you referring to?

This one, from 2008? http://www.shaunoakes.com/marine-taxis.htm

Where I advertised your services?

Why would I take this down?

Regards,
Shaun Oakes

---

Marine Taxis Wrote:

Mr Shaun Oakes
e: ****@shaunoakes.com
cc: Ms Alexis Searle and Ms Annique Dears – Advertising department Heart Radio

Mr Oakes…your reply to my email request refers. Am attaching SCREEN Shots of the page in question……

Firstly, if, you were indeed, “Advertising your services”, I request a signed off approval from ourselves. And then, regardless of whether or not you are holding a signed proof, we request that you remove “story/advert/whatever you may call it” with immediate effect. My brief is to “clean-up” and “remove” any and all advertising contained whereever it presently occurs.

Secondly, incorrect details and misinformation contained in page title are mistakenly proffering the impression that MARINE TAXIS CAPE TOWN is called MARINE HEART TAXIS……. Who authorised a company name change – I find this incredulous as Marine Taxis has had the same company name since the early 1950′s and has not changed yet….

cc’ing both Ms Alexis Searle and Ms Annique Dears (Advertising department Heart Radio) – to keep them in the loop.

We request instant action and removal of this unauthorised mis-advertising of our product.

Ursula Brown – Public Relations, Marketing, Advertising
Marine Taxis Cape Town – 5-Star Mother City Taxi Service

---

Shaun Oakes wrote:
From: Shaun Oakes
Sent: 17 September 2010 02:29 PM
To: Marine Taxis
Cc: ‘Alexis Hendricks’; ‘Aniqah Deers’
Subject: Re: A comment from Ursula Brown

Ursula,

I don’t think you quite understand how blogs and the internet works, so let me educate you:

A blog is typically a web-based journal, allowing people to share their thoughts. So if I choose to use a brand or service, it’s well within my rights to write about it and then publish it online, provided it does not contain anything libelous or slanderous. (looking at the post in question, I think it’s obvious that there is nothing libelous or slanderous here)

Demanding that I get ‘signed-off approval’ before mentioning your brand is ridiculous. Are you familiar with Facebook?

Or Twitter?

I can go onto Twitter right now, and publish how heavy handed you are being, and in a matter of minutes hundreds of people in Cape Town will be posting tweets about Marine Taxis. Are you then going to contact each one of them and demand that they get signed off approval from you first?

Secondly, this was written more than 2 years ago, not 2 days ago, and I do recall radio advertising back then referring to “Marine Heart Taxis”. In the post itself, I make use of the correct name.

I really don’t appreciate your aggressive tone over what should have been quite a simple request. If you had just contacted me and politely asked me to change the title, as it doesn’t reflect your official name, I would have gladly made the change.

As it stands, your bizarre handling of this (supposedly from someone in PR?) makes me very hesitant to assist you in any way, and quite frankly makes me think twice about ever using or referring your company ever again.

In actual fact, I am more likely to talk about how draconian Marine Taxis are, after this experience.

So really, an excellent PR job on your part.

Best Regards,
Shaun Oakes

---

Marine Taxis wrote:

Mr Oakes…I dont think that you understand what is meant by Where I advertised your services? (a quote from your reply to my initial request)….
It means that you stated that you were advertising our product = we sign an order, you send a proof, we send a signed proof back to yourselves and then and you place said ordered “advertising”.

And as far as your “let me educate you” skills are concerned… well, they suck…You are talking to a qualified ex-teacher who owned and ran an Internet Cafe in Sea Point for five years, has a Southern African web portal (GPR 5), been in marketing, advertising and PR since 1972, am accredited media world-wide, attending 19th Indaba in a row, with two ex husbands and three sons all in IT…. so please, I have gazillions of qualified tutors in my family and/or via years of contacts who are a mere phone call away.

Regarding thinly veiled pseudo threat, please, be my guest, twitter away or go on to Facebook or whereever else you wish, have fun and do your worst…We too have access to these (and other) social media platforms…so, off you go then….and type to your heart’s content. Maybe the rest of TWITTERDOM would be interested to learn the real reason behind your vindictave story…….. or maybe not……..
Also, if you had any sort of actual contact details on your website, a mere telephone call could have cleared up this issue far more effeciently.

Finally, you had no authority to place our logo on your website with your defamatory article riddled with inaccuracies and insults : “flossie”; “frail looking old guy”; “know a long term sexual partner”; “as well as weapons training”; “eventually managed to arrive outside The HQ, as he got lost for a while”…… can hardly be considered flattering or complimentary.

Oops… you are already TWITTERING I note …. without the option to reply to your previous email.

Draconian hey?? – I dont think so.. I am merely demanding that you remember the rules of engagement, act accordingly and report responsibly.

In reply to Mr/Ms Danneville….you are an expert PR why??? – You seems to be either unemployed or overpaid, as you have so much time to voice your hilarious unwanted opinion.

@mike_met there is probably a cease and desist on it’s way to you as we speak. 7 minutes ago via web in reply to mike_met

@Danneville I know, it’s incredible. And this coming from someone in PR? What is she thinking? 19 minutes ago via web in reply to Danneville

@darylglass I mentioned Marine Taxis in a post from 2008, and get an angry email from PR lady saying I need sign-off from her first. 21 minutes ago via web in reply to darylglass

I’m almost obliged to want to bad mouth their brand now. #PublicRelationsFail 23 minutes ago via web

Incredible… now I get an email from a “PR” lady claiming I need written permission before mentioning Marine Taxis online. 38 minutes ago via web

Marine Taxis just emailed me telling me to remove an innocuous blog post. Written in 2008. Er… computer says “No”. about 2 hours ago via web

Ursula Brown – Public Relations, Marketing, Advertising

---

Shaun Oakes wrote:
From: Shaun Oakes
Sent: 17 September 2010 05:05PM
To: Marine Taxis
Cc: ‘Alexis Hendricks’; ‘Aniqah Deers’
Subject: Re: A comment from Ursula Brown

Ursula, you are digging a massive hole for yourself here.

In today’s connected world of Social Media, is this any way to engage with a consumer?

For your sake I hope you’re the owner or a director of Marine Taxis, I just can’t see how they would be happy with the potential PR gaffe you are causing here right now.

---

Okay….

So did you get all of that in?

Am I alone here in thinking that this is more than a little bat shit crazy?

Where do I begin?

Firstly, angrily demanding that I remove a blog post because I mentioned a particular brand is ridiculous. As I’ve mentioned in the email correspondence, that is the way of Social Media. Fit in or f**k off. It gives the power to consumers to vent / praise as they see fit. The onus is on brands to make sure that they deliver the best product or service that they possibly can and, if they don’t, make damn sure that they engage with consumers in a respectful manner.

I’ve read through my earlier blog post and I still maintain that I have said nothing slanderous or libelous. Granted, what I write should generally be taken with a pinch of salt (disclaimer – The Gupster and I did not REALLY oil up and partake in Greco Wrestling. At least not on that particular day)

The facts are though, that on this particular night (again, more than two years ago)

• The taxi driver was late, as he couldnt find my address.
• He did drive like a snail.
• When it came time to pay, he battled with the card swiping mechanism.

For Marine Taxis to demand that I remove the post because they didn’t like what I say (again – more than 2 years ago) is truly laughable.

Almost as funny as the fact that they demand that any online mention of them needs to be signed off first.

As someone mentioned on Twitter, this is so bad it could quite easily be some sort of viral.

Is that your plan, Marine Taxis? Was this just an attempt to get people to mention you online?

No such thing as bad press etc?

I don’t know, I’m still just a little shocked by the whole thing.

What do you think?

Am I being the cock here?

Or are Marine Taxis being completely out of their f**king minds?

Oakes signing off.

And An Upset Tummy

So the other day I had a dodgy aubergine and so, whilst walking around the Woolworths in Canal Walk, realised that I badly needed to drop off some kids at the nearest restroom. Now, I absolutely hate using public toilets, any toilet in fact, except my own. Even when I’m at The Office, I will rather make a quick 10 minute trip home to enjoy the comfort of my own throne, together with a day old Cape Times, then use the work facilities.

Canal Walk is twenty minutes away from home though, and The Girlfriend was not keen on leaving just yet, so I knew I would have to bite the bullet and put my delicate buttocks on a porcelain surface touched by dozens of bums already that day.

I quickly trotted to the nearest toilets at that little section where they sell all those African trinkets and overpriced cotton t-shirts. Careful not to make eye contact with anyone at the nearby stores outside, I nipped into one the toilets and eyed out my surroundings.

I tend to be pretty loud at the best of times, and I was already started to turtle-neck a little bit. I knew that this would NOT be one of those silent poos, where it feels as if you have just squeezed some toothpaste out of a tube.

No, this would be a loud concertina, but I was banking on the fact that at this time of the day (it was 8:15pm) the toilets would be empty.

Thankfully, it seemed deserted, and I quickly dashed to the furtherest cubicle. I did a quick dab on the seat with some paper, laid another layer of paper down as a buffer between the seat and my ass, and sat down, ready for engagement. I was just about to pull the trigger when, of course, I heard the unmistakeable sound of someone pulling his pants down and sitting in the cubicle next to me. Now, there were four cubicles – and by rights he should have moved to the first one – but, in his haste, I don’t think he was aware of my presence. I heard him beginning an introductory fart, one which suggested that there was more to follow. Fearing an awkward situation potentially ensueing, I coughed politely, loud enough for him to know I was there, and causing him to immediately halt his fart in mid-air.

We both sat in silence for what felt like several minutes, seeing who would blink first.

…

No one made a sound.

It was clear that both he and I were kindred spirits, not daring to unleash hell in front of company. (Even when I am at home, I give a coutesy flush just as I press away, to help drown out the loud voilin-like sound I make.)

I had heard people in similar situations refer to this as a “Mexican stand off”, I’m still now sure why it’s called that but it seemed pretty apt. I wasn’t sure how long I could hold out for though, and my eyes began tearing from the mental strain of the physical restraint.

Just then, I heard someone else peeing in one of the urinals, and I silently began praying. I prayed that he was one of the 23% of South African men who washed their hands after peeing. As fate would have it, he was, and as I heard him switch on the taps, I mentally prepared myself for the next move. He put his hands under the automatic dryer, the shrill hairdryer-like sounds filled the public toilet, and I was away. Like clockwork I could hear the guy in the other cubicle fire away as well. We had about eight seconds of cover fire to drown out our sounds, and we had to make the most of it.

The urinator finished drying off his hands, and I was done. I quickly finished up, flushed away, lathered up my hands with soap and rinsed off. Mercifully, I also used the automatic dryer, giving my adversary another opportunity to launch a noon gun, which he no doubt gratefully took.

I walked out the restroom, and would likely never hear him again.

Oakes signing off.

Of Course You Do

So I’ve been quietly sulking these past few weeks after not being nominated for the SA Blog Awards (although I think I’m just about over it now – I’m at the acceptance stage of the grief process, and I’ve started wearing pants again)

So yes, I know I have been neglecting you, like a husband who ignores his pretty wife because he is depressed and is not interested in having sex with her, eventually forcing her to seek the fresh young erection of the 19 year old BA student who lives next door with his parents.

I obviously don’t want that, so to make up for my neglectful ways, I thought I would blatantly bribe you with some free stuff?

Would you like that?

Okay, Smirnoff sent me a gift pack on Friday filled with loads of goodies (six packs, bottles of vodka, caps, shirts etc) Pretty decent gear. The Girlfriend reckons it’s worth about R2000, she’s pretty good at establishing the value of things (I’m worth about R59 apparently)

It’s all got to do with a SECRET project that they are about launch (so secret I put it in caps) Think the recent Smirnoff Experience vibe, but bigger.

So here’s the thing, I’m not boozing right now, so you can have it. All you have to do is drop a comment below on what you think this SECRET (I did it again) event is going to be. Oh, if you are reading this via email or Faebook, you need to click here first to comment. The most outrageous idea will win it, and I’ll have it delivered to you.

Oh obviously you have to be over 18 to qualify (I’ll be checking your IDs), so to all my 12 year old readers, sorry, maybe next time.

Boom.

So are we friends again?

Oakes signinf off.