What Was I Thinking?

Shitty Albums Owned By Shaun

It’s Wednesday evening and I am sorting through my vast collection of illegally downloaded MP3 songs I’ve accumulated over the years. (If you’re reading this and are part of some sort of law enforcement agency, I am obviously joking. I definitely purchased all the MP3 songs legally. Through iTunes.)

Anyhoo, the reason I have so many MP3 songs is because I have a rather suspect and promiscuous taste in music. From Nine Inch Nails, to New Kids on the Block – I have had it all.

This has also seen me now owning some really shitty albums, albums which are currently residing at the bottom of my music cabinet, albums which I will now share with you, in no particular order. Read More…

And The World Gasps In Awe.

I Googled 2012, and this photo of me winning a Bookmark showed up. Random.

I’m sitting in the lounge in my underpants right now, studiously stroking my inner thighs. I do this whenever I am deep in thought, and right now, I am contemplating what the next 12 months will hold for me.

Feeling in good spirits – as tends to happen when you stroke your inner thighs – I have decided to share with all of you, my plans for 2012. In fact, let’s not call them plans but rather “resolutions”. So here goes: Read More…

It Will Make You Better In Bed. Not Really.

Stacie Orrico. One of Shaun's Followers on Twitter.

It’s Monday evening, and I’m feeling particularly lazy right now. Rather than spending time writing something breathtakingly original, I thought I would plug myself and talk about Twitter instead. It’s my dream to have 100,000 Twitter followers by next Friday.

Currently I have about 12. Ish.

I am really funny and witty though, so it’s probably in your best interests to “follow” me. If you’re still unsure, allow me to share some additional reasons why. Read More…

As Shaun Makes An Acknowledgement

Nothing to do with this blog post, but I dig Ryan Gosling's vibe.

So Saturday arrived at my doorstep like an unwanted bastard child – well, not unwanted, we just weren’t expecting it so quickly – it just came knocking on our door whilst we were sprawled on the lounge floor, wondering where the day was going, and why there was a dead wildebeest in the kitchen.

Why was there a dead wildbeest in the kitchen? F**k knows. But there it was, lying there looking all dead and shit, and stinking up the kitchen.

Maybe this was why we were a little out of sync this weekend. Anyhoo, no excuses, so here goes: Read More…

Here, Have A Punch In The Stomach.

Right. You and me. Outside. Now.

Whenever I hear the phrase “Love you lots like Jelly Tots”, I get really angry and begin harboring violent thoughts toward whoever just said it.

I guess it’s a bit like what the Incredible Hulk goes through when he becomes… well… the Incredible Hulk. I can just about stomach it if a 12 year old girl says it to her friend (I’ll let it slide because she is a 12 year old girl, and doesn’t know any better. Also, society would frown upon me if I then proceeded to punch a 12 year old girl in the stomach) but when an adult says it?

No, sorry, that shit isn’t going to happen on my watch. Read More…

Rules To Live By

This picture currently doesn't make sense. But it will later as you read further down.

It’s Monday evening, and The Girlfriend and I have just completed another successful dinner party with guests. We kept the conversation and entertainment light and flowing, making sure to steer well clear of politics, religion as well as the fact that I was wearing a scandalously cheeky pair of shorts. (all my other shorts and pants were in the laundry, and smelled of wet blanket, after The Girlfriend threw my wet underpants in the basket – they were wet because I wash them when I shower, it’s something poor people used to do when they only had one pair of underpants to wear in the week, and it is a strange habit I have developed over the years)

Anyhoo, I am going off on a very wide tangent, the reason we had a successful dinner party is due to us – as well as our guests – cleverly adhering to the following guidelines, which we will now look at in bullet point format. Read More…

Not So Rock n Roll Anymore.

Shaun: Getting Ready For Another Night On The Town. Not Really.

Friday nights used to be a pretty big deal for me. Friday evenings would be spent prepping for the night ahead, and would involve shaving; cleansing, moisturising and toning; doing up my hair, checking that I was wearing decent underpants, and lastly throwing on some after shave on both my neck, as well as my groin region.

I’d wear a tight, figure hugging t-shirt to advertise the gun show, fairly tight (but always flared) jeans to show off my delicious smelling package, and smart but comfortable shoes, which would enable me to glide across the dance floor with all the grace and panache of a f**king gazelle. Read More…

It’s Shaun Oakes the Television Host.

I was planning on writing something amazing today, but to be honest, Thursday was a pretty boring day. I literally have nothing to tell you people. I briefly thought about rehashing an old adventure from my past, to show you what an exciting and glamorous life I lead, but I sort of lost interest halfway through writing it (it was a fairly interesting story though, and involved a former Miss South Africa, a current national athlete, and the American actor Ethan Hawke)

Instead though, I will post a video I did a few months back, but never really talked about. It’s a little travel piece where I’m the host, and it’s quite possibly the greatest video you will ever see today. Read More…