They Literally Won’t Cost You A Cent.

Concerned Shaun - You want me to pay HOW much?

Those of you who know me will of course be quite familiar with the fact that I hate spending money. I get a deep pain in my chest and a tightness in my loins whenever I have to open up my wallet and part with cash. In fact, just typing that last line has given me a bit of indigestion, together with some mild discomfort in my groin region.

Now, being a twenty something man-about-town who enjoys a bit of adventure, this lifestyle choice can sometimes be tricky, but over the years I have come up with a number of creative activities and things to do in this – admittedly shitty and cloudy right now – city of ours. With more than a week to go before payday, and money being too tight to mention, let’s take a look at a few activities to do in Cape Town: Read More…

Yes, An Extinct Dinosaur.

Shaun - Casually Running On The Seapoint Promenade.

Whenever I run, people laugh at me. It’s not because of the mustard spandex pants I wear, or the biting jokes I make as I sprint up Orange Street in Gardens. I don’t really make biting jokes. I don’t have the energy or breath to make any jokes, least of all biting ones. After all, I’m sprinting up Orange Street in Gardens. Read More…

Sometimes Things Get Messy.

Bruce Lee INVENTED the Nod and Smile.

I’m a big fan of the Nod and Smile. Last week, I worked out that I used the Nod and Smile approximately 173 times, 186 times if I add in the Nod and Smile greetings I handed out. But I’m not going to add those, because they are not pure Nod and Smiles.

Pure Nod and Smile are used when you are listening to someone say something which has little interest to you (on most occasions they are attempting to say something humorous). I usually augment my Nod and Smiles with a casual shrug of the shoulders as if to say “Meh, what can you do?” (Disclaimer: If you are reading this and you know me, and realise that I have given you the Nod and Smile in the past, rest assured that you were the exception to the rule. I was obviously listening to you. Really, I was.) Read More…

Because I Don’t Want No Creme Brulee.

Creme Brulee - Hate It. Don't Want It.

I was at a restaurant in Hout Bay on Saturday. What was I doing there? Eating, of course. I was enjoying their special, which consisted of a main course, a bottle of red wine and a free dessert. I smashed through the main course and the bottle of red wine, but when the time came to have my free dessert, I was told in no uncertain terms, that I could only have the Creme Brulee.

Now I don’t know about you, but I f**king HATE Creme Brulee. I hate the taste, I hate the texture, I even hate the name. (The pronunciation causes a saliva build up at the back of my throat. Say it out loud three times if you don’t believe me, and see for yourself) Read More…

That’s My Name, Bitches

This guy doesn't need a cellphone. Everyone he knows can easily find him. Because he is wearing a f**king cow suit.

So as I mentioned yesterday, I was at Rocking the Daisies this weekend. One of the highlights of the weekend, besides the copious amounts of girls who hit on me, and the one or two random drinks I consumed, was the very clever decision on my part to dive into the nearby dam with my cellphone and wallet nestled nicely in my underpants. (I put it down the front of my underpants to make my balls seem huge. As one does.) Read More…

One Day Later.

Rocking the Daisies 2011. Featuring Shaun Oakes.

Rocking the Daisies happened this weekend, and I was there. Here with some random thoughts on the festival.
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Best Man in fashionable blue shirt. Giving off a bit of a homoerotic vibe, but giving a speech like a champion.

So I went to a wedding the other day where – for some bizarre reason – I was asked to be the Best Man. Now, at the risk of coming across all “depro” and “emo”, I’ve never been the best at anything (I’ve always been a middle of the road kind of guy), so this was quite a new thing for me. (and yes, I do hear violins playing in the background) Read More…

Insomnia - What Shaun would look like right now. If he were a petite brunette woman with a giant clock.

So it’s about 1am right now, and I am wide awake. The Girlfriend is fast asleep, and is down with the lady flu, so sex seems to be out of the question (although I obviously tried). I’m still a little sore from her firm knee to my groin in response to my attempts to feel her up – how she managed to do that whilst in a deep sleep is beyond me – so here I am, studiously typing away in my underpants. Read More…