Shaun Does The Dinner and the Show

Madame Zingara: At Century City, Cape Town

So the other night – I think it was Thursday, but I can’t be too sure, my body clock is a little awry these days – I decided to check out and review the newly opened Madam Zingara at Century City in Cape Town. I really wanted to go that night, but The Girlfriend couldn’t make it, so rather than taking another hot woman and risking having my testicles transplanted to my throat in a non-surgical manner. (ie: The Girlfriend kicking me firmly in the gonads) I decided to have Steve O accompany me instead.

Now as far as I can recall, I had never been to Madame Zingara before, and so went in with absolutely no pre-conceptions whatsoever. I guess I could compare it to having sex with a lover for the first time, where you kind of expect that you will have a great night, but you’re never really sure until sometime during the middle when you pin her legs back and realise “Yes, this is actually a pretty awesome night.”

Looking back at the last paragraph I just wrote, that’s pretty much exactly how I would describe Madame Zingara. I’m not usually a show kind of guy, so was willing to put up with a little bit of singing and dancing whilst waiting for my supper.

Madame Zingara was not what I expected though, the show on offer was simply phenomenal, and it was about an hour into it when I realised “yes, this is actually a pretty awesome night”. It started off with two unbelievably double-jointed belters showing off their flexibility to the beat of some Indian chanting. “I’m very aroused right now,” I murmured to Steve O at the end of their performance, to which he duly concurred.

Flexible: Shaun endorses the performances.

And it just continued from there.

I’m not going to get into too much detail about each performance but I would agree with anyone who says the show is worth seeing. It certainly is. Pay special note to the roller skating couple near the end as well. That’s all I’m saying about it, you will have to see it for yourself.

The food, as one would expect, was also top class. Besides the show, the night comprises a four course meal, comprising appetizers, starters, mains and desserts. For our mains, we had the signature chocolate and chilli steaks, which went well with the butternut and broccoli side order. We didn’t really know what to do with the dry noodles though, and the best thing I could think of was using them to jab Steve O in the eye when he didn’t laugh at a dinner time anecdote I had graciously shared with him.

Besides that, he had a good night, I had a good night, and we both agreed that Madame Zingara is a good place to take someone that you are hoping to sleep with later that night, or even just someone you want to cuddle with later in the evening.

At this point you are probably wondering where it is, hey? Well, it’s situated next to the Mercedes Benz building in Century City, and I reckon you should all try it out at least once over the next few months. (This particular show, the 2010 Love Magic Tour, is scheduled to run until the end of the year)

It’s probably on the top end of Cape Town restaurants in terms of pricing, but you are getting a show after all, and the whole evening will last you just over 3 hours, so it’s well worth it. A bit of an “experience”, as they would say in Belgium.

Madame Zingara Contact Details and Info

What: Madame Zingara
Where: On the golf green parallel to the N1 and next to Mercedes Benz in Century City, Cape Town. (See here for map)
How Much: + – 350 per person. (Show, 4 course meal, plus drinks)
Contact: +27 (0)21 001 3366 and http://www.madamezingara.com

Oakes signing off.

Huge Ones.

The Bee: A huge arsehole of note.

I’ve been meaning to talk about this for a while now. I’m not going to build this up with an elaborate introduction or bizarre metaphor as I sometimes do, and so will just jump straight into it.

I hate bees.

It sounds silly, but I really do. I think they are all a bunch of arseholes who bring nothing but sadness and frustration to my world. If a genie came up to me and offered me one wish, I wouldn’t wish for untold riches or being able to sleep with a beautiful woman. I already have that. I would probably wish for the end of all bees.

All they seem to do is try to piss off and annoy me. Whenever I am outside trying to have a serious conversation with someone, a bee will appear and try and mess with me. They will proceed to fly straight at me, giving me the impression that they are actually going to sting me in the eye, before pulling up at the last possible second. This isn’t enough to prevent me from taking evasive action, and so there I am ducking and diving, bobbing and weaving, whilst this f**king insect deliberately mocks me and makes me scream like an infant.

Apparently they are an important link in the whole circle of life, helping to pollinate flowers, but that doesn’t really impress me. Nature has a way of adapting, and if we saw the end of bees, I’m sure another type of insect would step up to the plate.

Butterflies for instances, or those dragon-fly waspy things that fly around swimming pools when you have added too much chlorine.

And I don’t really like honey so it’s not as if I would miss that. My mom made honey-coated chicken once and it made me feel sick for days.

Bleh.

I could so live without honey.

And the movie they made? Bee Movie?

Shit Movie more like it.

Oakes signing off.

Is Where I’m Probably Going To End Up

Shaun will not be chilling with Madiba at the stadium.

So after mentioning my mediocre attempts to secure FIFA World Cup soccer tickets, I was made aware of something called the Cape Town FIFA Fan Fest, which will take place, ironically enough, in Cape Town.

It will be at the Grand Parade in the city and will show all the games live on a 74 square metre screen, which is so massive, you will actually be able to see the screen from up in space. (Not really)

They are expecting about 25 000 people to attend daily, and there should be quite a vibe, with music concerts, live musicians (Goldfish, The Rudimentals, Loyiso etc) and no doubt hot tourists roaming around.

Best of all, it’s free, so if I’m not getting wasted in the comfort of my own lounge, or am actually at the stadium (after someone gives me two tickets? Hey? Anyone?) I am likely going to be checking out the FIFA Fan Fest.

You can check out more information at http://www.capetownfifafanfest.com.

Oakes signing off.

I Want Some

What Shaun really wants right now... The tickets, not the Muslim family.

I want tickets to the FIFA World Cup. In Cape Town. I just want two. That’s all I want.

Okay, maybe four.

But that’s still not asking for much.

I tried doing the whole “queue for your tickets” vibe, when they announced that the over the counter sales would commence in April. In damp drizzle, I stood in a line for hours with other desperate men and women, silently urging each other to give up and go home, thus shortening the line and the time it would take to get us to the front of the queue.

Eventually, the drizzle got the better of me and so, with my hair suitably minced, I left the line and tried to purchase tickets online instead.

The cheap seats are almost always unavailable though, and I am left with having to pay about R1,150 for a ticket, the thought of which leaves me with severe indigestation and a pain in my scrotum. (I get a pain in my testicles whenever I have to part with money).

So, rather than experiencing uneasiness in my gonads, I will rather sit here and wait patiently for someone to give me two tickets to one of the Cape Town games. I am very inclined to the go to the Netherlands vs Cameroon game, but I’m not really that choosy to be honest. Shit, I’d even go see the Portugal vs Korea game.

Okay not really.

The Netherlands game is what I really want to see. So drop me a line and hook me up.

Oakes signing off.

Becomes An Even Bigger Badass

Muay Thai: What Shaun is doing right now.

So, many of you have probably been cursing me as I once again carried out my favourite little party drink. No, not that one. I only do that when I have one too many Hansa Marzen Golds, and start feeling slutty. No, I’m of course referring to my regular disappearing act, which I do every couple of months or so.

So what have I been up to recently?

Well, having grown weary of being regularly abused by Big Issue vendors, heroin junkies, and women with small feet, I decided to take the plunge and start Muay Thai classes.

You know what Muay Thai is, right?

It’s an ancient form of Thai kickboxing, which has suddenly become quite mainstream and popular in South Africa, especially Cape Town. After being a bit of an underground activity for many years, it’s burst onto national television thanks to a reality show, and now every man and his dog seems to be trying it out, wanting to learn how to kick the shit out of someone in an efficient and practical manner.

I was one of those men with their dogs, and have currently just completed my third week of training. So, besides desperately trying not to throw up during the fitness sessions, what have I gotten out of this?

Well, whereas in the past my fighting style was likened to that of an old woman, I have now learnt how to throw a decent punch. This is evident in the fact that when I hit the punching bag, I don’t fracture my fingers anymore. I have also learnt how to skip like a man, and not like a 9 year old girl, and I’ve probably done more press ups in the last three weeks, than I have done in my entire life.

This has also already seen some significant weight loss, what with me literally sweating about 23 litres of water every night. The other day I got out the shower, looked down and happened to catch a glimpse of my winky – in all its immaculate glory – something I had not been able to do for several months previously, due to various medical conditions concerning my stomach.

Let’s be clear though, Muay Thai is no walk in the park. It takes dedication, long hours of training and a killer aggressive spirit to succeed. There are both men and women who attend classes, with quite a few belters who wouldn’t look out of place in a swimsuit photo shoot, if they weren’t trying to break your ribs with a power kick. A lot of the guys seem quite scary looking, and for now I’ve just been keeping to myself, eyes to the ground, the way you would do in a gym change room when winkies are being flashed around.

So yeah, things are looking pretty good thus far. I’m feeling fitter, looking healthier and next time a woman with small feet tries to mug me again, I may just be able to kick her ass this time.

Oakes signing off.

Yes, You Over There.

Yes, I’ve been a quiet boy these last few days, but it’s because I’ve been a little down about being yet another step closer to death.

Don’t let my mood get you down though, remember the other day we talked about the Bombay Bicycle Club and mentioned Madame Zingara?

Well, seeing as it’s my birthday, I have decided to give you a gift. All you have to do is feed my ego.

How?

Just leave a birthday wish on my Fan Page, and you will automatically qualify to win two tickets to the new Madame Zingara which will be at Century City in Cape Town.

Just like that.

Easy hey?

Okay go now. This will close at midnight on Thursday.

Click here to send Shaun Oakes a Birthday Wish on his Fan Page.

Oakes signing off.

Epic New Music Video

It’s Friday, the weather is shit, and my hair has minced. I’m not going to let this get me down though, and so we decided to look for a suitable Friday Feel Good Jam, and had a good look at the music video for Jack Parow’s single, “Dans Dans Dans”, featuring Francois van Coke.

It’s a lively, finger snapping, head nodding number which will have all the ladies in the club shaking their tail feathers. Let’s have a look:

Click here if it does not load.

Cool?

Cool.

We still friends?

Okay, awesome. Let’s chat again later.

Oakes signing off.

Cape Town’s Softest, Stickiest, Yummiest Ribs

Bombay Bicycle Club: Oldest gentlemans club in the world. Not a strip club though.

The other day I felt weak and dizzy, and realized that I hadn’t eaten anything for three solid days. I quickly put my drink down and staggered over to the fridge, hoping for old takeaways which would still be fairly edible. I remember having a pizza days earlier and couldn’t quite remember whether I had finished it or not. I soon discovered the half eaten meal, but it was so old that it had evolved and had grown a mouth and two legs, and promptly jumped out the fridge once I had opened it, declaring that it would be clubbing in Camps Bay that evening, and inviting me to join it.

I politely declined though, I wasn’t really in the mood for clubbing, I was in the mood for ribs though, and so decided to head off to the Bombay Bicycle Club in Kloof street, as we all know they have the best ribs in Cape Town, right?

Bombay Bicycle Club: With their famous ribs.

What’s that? You don’t know about their ribs? Two massive racks of the softest, stickiest ribs you will ever have in your life? Come now, allow me to educate you then, as I recount my tale.

So upon arrival, I initially felt for some spinach, mozzarella and smoked chicken (as one does), and so of course ordered their Phyllo Parcels starter, which has all of the above. The Girlfriend, who had silently followed me like a ninja, decided on a prawn starter (Kataifi Prawns ), which I managed to nibble on whilst she powdered her nose, and which also had me nodding my head in approval.

The starters were like a good session of foreplay, and we were now ready to get stuck into the main course. Our ribs duly arrived and, to further continue the sexual theme, it can best be decribed as nothing short of orgasmic. These are pork ribs, which were lean and meaty, and which easily and smoothly fell off the bone, like a young man sliding his pants off at the sight of his naked lover sprawled on the bed. The ribs were ably complimented by a side order of brocolli, cauliflower and butternut, and by the end of the meal, I had the self assured smile of contentment that a man gets when he either has his feet sensually rubbed, or has just had an epic carnivorous meal.

Something else which grabbed my attention though were the two diners at the accompanying table next to us. Being a ferocious gossip, and a world reknowned busy body, I realised that they were somehow involved with the Bombay Bicycle Club restaurant, and overheard the fact that Madame Zingara will be opening again.

I later did a search on a nifty website I use called “Google”, and I see that there is indeed a Madam Zingara website which seems to be quietly running in the background. Not sure exactly when they are opening yet, but I subscribed to their mailing list for more info, so will keep everyone posted.

So yeah, after contemplating an ageing piece of pizza, things turned out pretty well in the end. Quite enjoyed the vibe at Bombay Bicycle Club, and I’m sure you will too.

Bombay Bicycle Club Contact Details and Info

What: Bombay Bicycle Club
Where: 158 Kloof Street, Gardens, Cape Town (obviously)
How Much: + – 250 per person. (Which includes mains, dessert and a few drinks.)
Contact: +27 (0)21 423 6805 and http://www.bombaybicycleclub.co.za

Oakes signing off.