Jet Li Versus Iron Man

Sorry, not Jet Li, I meant Bruce Lee. Check out this awesome fight scene below.

I’m sure many of you recognise the round house kicks at the end, as these were actually patented by me during the 80′s, back when my biker gang terrorised the streets of Cape Town.

Outside The HQ

So I was strolling out of The HQ this morning, happily whistling the pop smash, “Jizz In My Pants“. Just then, I looked up and saw a familiar looking bloke, someone I had previously gone to school with. Normally I would just pretend I never saw him, and continue on my merry way. Our eyes locked though, so he knew I saw him, and I knew he recognised me.

His eyes lit up brightly, like an 8 year old who gets the Playstation 3 he wanted for Christmas, instead of the Walt Disney puzzles his father had been saying he would get instead, and he skipped over to my path, wanted to make small talk.

“Hey Shaun,” he said merrily.

“Hey buddy,” I responded affectionately, not sure of his name.

I didn’t get a chance to figure it out though, as he fell like a ton of bricks to the ground. Was he dead? No, he seemed to be breathing, but this certainly unsettled me.

I was just about to give him CPR, when I realised what had happened. I had forgotten to brush my teeth that morning, something which ALWAYS happens on Thursdays, bizarrely enough.

I quickly ran back inside to The HQ where I found The Girlfriend, who was also comatose. She had collapsed on the kitchen floor just before I left that morning, but I assumed it was because I had asked her for money, as it’s a trick I often use to deter people asking me for things.

So yes, not the ideal way to start a Thursday, I’m sure you will agree.

I brushed my teeth, put some smelling salts under The Girlfriend’s nose, and skipped out. My old high school mate was just starting to come around on the pavement, so I had to carefully sneak passed him as well.

Otherwise things would have just been awkward.

Cape Town Steakhouse Gives Shaun A Semi.

Nelson's Eye Restaurant

“I yearn for something meaty this evening,”said The Girlfriend in a yearning manner this past Friday.

“Well baby, I have something meaty for you right here,” I said charmingly, whilst seductively unzipping my pants.

This attractive offer failed to entice The Girlfriend however, and thus we ended up at Nelson’s Eye Restaurant instead.

Nelson’s Eye has an interesting vibe. It’s not one of your uber-trendy eating spots where everything looks, well, uber-trendy and visually appealing, and you end up with a plate of food which looks aesthetically pleasing on the eye, but also happens to be the size of your eye (sprinkled with a rich and spicy chocolate sauce or something else of that nature).

No, Nelson’s Eye is a hardcore steakhouse, they know they are good at steaks, and that’s what they do, they don’t f**k about with fancy trimmings. (they basically said as much on my plastic place mat with the large steak knife on it).

The Girlfriend had the fillet, whilst I went for the sirloin. It took about 30-35 minutes to prepare, but I was able to pass the time guzzling Hansa Marzen Golds, whilst slurring sweet nothings in The Girlfriend’s eye and mouth.

When the food arrived, we were both in agreement that it was worth the wait. My sirloin left me sitting there with a bit of a semi (it was that good), whilst The Girlfriend had that glazed look in her eye, which usually only occurs when she makes me wear that infernal Javier Bardem mask during “fool-around” time.

Price wise, it’s probably in the upper tier of your Cape Town restaurant vibe, but the food is well worth it – it also comes with a hefty portion of veggies and a choice of baked potato or fries, so you’re not going to leave there still feeling hungry.

Check it out if you’re in the mood for a hefty but tasty meal. It’s around the corner from the Mount Nelson Hotel, so it’s ridiculously easy to find.

It get’s my seal of approval, so you will no doubt enjoy it too.

What: Nelson’s Eye Restaurant
Where: 9 Hof Street, Gardens (coming toward Cape Town from the suburbs, first road left before Mount Nelson Hotel)
How Much: + – 200 per person. (for main course. We didn’t try dessert, as we wanted to go home and fool around)
Contact:+27 (0)21 423 2601

Is It?

Have some perspective, you insensitive prick.

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

F**king amateur.

[taken from cyanide and happiness]

Amazing.

Giant caterpillar: An amazing discovery.

Nice. I think we will file that under “Quality”.

[thanks carlos]

Just Sommer.

It’s Friday, and rather than write anything of substance, I thought I would just take the easy way out and post some random pics that have been sitting in my Inbox patiently, like the nerdy guy who sits in the lounge with his earphones on whilst his wife get’s f**ked by her lover in the bedroom.

So anyhoo, this was taken at a recent party held in Cape Town (just to set the mood):

Party Time - Lots of People Dressed Up In A Funny Manner.

People Wearing Orange Cones On Their Head.

A Pirate Chick Playing Tekken.

Jack Sparrow Chilling With Austin Powers.

Steve Urkel Playing The Drums.

A Dude Spray Painting Another Dude.

Chilling In The Pool With Clothes On.

And that is all.

I might chat a bit later again.

I just need to help this weird alien find his way home first.

Friday Feel Good Jam #17

It’s Friday, and inlight of Patrick Swayze perhaps leaving us soon, it’s fitting that we decided to showcase the best song ever made for movie soundtracks – “Hungry Eyes”.

Don’t spoil the moment and ask me who sings the song. I don’t know. I could look it up on the “internet”, but I don’t really give a f**k right now, just take it all in, like a 16 year old watching a pornographic movie for the first time with his friends, before they realise how weird it is sitting in a room with a bunch of straight guys whilst sporting erections.

Peace out.

You Did Know There Is A Fire In Cape Town, Right?

I woke up this morning with a cold sweat, fear gripping me like a wily black panther biting into the neck of an obnoxious springbok, who thought he was better than everyone else and decided to chill at the watering hole by himself. The smell of burning wood in my nostrils could only mean one thing.

“Christ, had a I wet the bed again”, I said aloud, bracing myself for a flank-side attack from The Girlfriend. She was still fairly comatose beside me though, and the sheets were still dry, so my burnt-word-smelling wee was not the cause of this. Then I realised that this was actually another one of those “Cape Town fires” you read about in the morning papers. Here with some pics from the latest event:

Cape Town. Looking All Prim and Proper.

Boom! Suddenly the long dormant Devils Peak volcano erupts.

Christ, where's Will Smith when you need him?

Even Tom Cruise would do right about now.

So yeah, pretty intense. There is a reservoir near The HQ in which I pee in regularly, the helicopters are busy filling up those bucket things with the reservoir water, so I’d like to think I have played a part in helping put these flames out.

They say it was probably started by a cigarette stompie AGAIN. Seriously guys, can we cut that shit out now?

[Pics thanks to Matt and Peter]