Which Is Still 98% Better Than Having A Coke Habit.

It’s Tuesday, and if you were in Ireland, it would be Saint Flanaghan’s day, the patron saint of Pointless Information Sharing. In that spirit, I thought it only fitting to discuss some of the addictions which have plagued my life for several years, and share them with you in a point by point format. Here with Seven(ish) strange addictions which have afflicted me. Read More…

Not Your Usual Auto Correct Fails.

Cell Phones: The Tools for Awkward Text Conversations.

It’s Monday the 9th January 2012. Speaking of cellphones, I thought I’d share with you some awkward phone text conversations I’ve had over the last couple of years.

I blame it all on getting a Smart Phone (The HTC Desire) as it’s made mobile texting so simple. I also blame the fact that on many occasions when I’m mobile texting, I’m stupendously hammered and oblivious to common sense. Here with a few recent clangers I’ve been involved in. Read More…

Remember This For Next Time.

Just a random bar.

Old High School Friend: Hey Shaun Oakes.
Shaun Oakes: Hey You.
[Platonic kisses on the cheek]
Old High School Friend: How long has it been?
Shaun Oakes: Geez, like forever.
Old High School Friend: I know! Crazy, hey?
Shaun Oakes: You’re telling me. So wow, congrats. When did this all happen?
Old High School Friend: When did what all happen?
Shaun Oakes: All of this. [motions at her in a circular motion with his index finger]
Old High School Friend: All of what?
Shaun Oakes: The little bun in the oven.
[Shaun gently but authoritatively prods her stomach, realising too late that his hand is prodding a fat tummy, not a pregnant tummy]
Old High School Friend: …
Shaun Oakes: …
[Awkward silence]
Shaun Oakes: I’m sorry, I thought you were preg-
Old High School Friend: F*ck, you’re an arsehole.
Shaun Oakes: And the worse thing is I actually SAW the beer in your hand as well. I thought you were just being irresponsible.
Old High School Friend: Jesus Christ…
[Old High School Friend leaves. Shaun tries to remove foot from mouth.]

Oakes signing off.

What Was I Thinking?

Shitty Albums Owned By Shaun

It’s Wednesday evening and I am sorting through my vast collection of illegally downloaded MP3 songs I’ve accumulated over the years. (If you’re reading this and are part of some sort of law enforcement agency, I am obviously joking. I definitely purchased all the MP3 songs legally. Through iTunes.)

Anyhoo, the reason I have so many MP3 songs is because I have a rather suspect and promiscuous taste in music. From Nine Inch Nails, to New Kids on the Block – I have had it all.

This has also seen me now owning some really shitty albums, albums which are currently residing at the bottom of my music cabinet, albums which I will now share with you, in no particular order. Read More…

And The World Gasps In Awe.

I Googled 2012, and this photo of me winning a Bookmark showed up. Random.

I’m sitting in the lounge in my underpants right now, studiously stroking my inner thighs. I do this whenever I am deep in thought, and right now, I am contemplating what the next 12 months will hold for me.

Feeling in good spirits – as tends to happen when you stroke your inner thighs – I have decided to share with all of you, my plans for 2012. In fact, let’s not call them plans but rather “resolutions”. So here goes: Read More…

It Will Make You Better In Bed. Not Really.

Stacie Orrico. One of Shaun's Followers on Twitter.

It’s Monday evening, and I’m feeling particularly lazy right now. Rather than spending time writing something breathtakingly original, I thought I would plug myself and talk about Twitter instead. It’s my dream to have 100,000 Twitter followers by next Friday.

Currently I have about 12. Ish.

I am really funny and witty though, so it’s probably in your best interests to “follow” me. If you’re still unsure, allow me to share some additional reasons why. Read More…

As Shaun Makes An Acknowledgement

Nothing to do with this blog post, but I dig Ryan Gosling's vibe.

So Saturday arrived at my doorstep like an unwanted bastard child – well, not unwanted, we just weren’t expecting it so quickly – it just came knocking on our door whilst we were sprawled on the lounge floor, wondering where the day was going, and why there was a dead wildebeest in the kitchen.

Why was there a dead wildbeest in the kitchen? F**k knows. But there it was, lying there looking all dead and shit, and stinking up the kitchen.

Maybe this was why we were a little out of sync this weekend. Anyhoo, no excuses, so here goes: Read More…

Here, Have A Punch In The Stomach.

Right. You and me. Outside. Now.

Whenever I hear the phrase “Love you lots like Jelly Tots”, I get really angry and begin harboring violent thoughts toward whoever just said it.

I guess it’s a bit like what the Incredible Hulk goes through when he becomes… well… the Incredible Hulk. I can just about stomach it if a 12 year old girl says it to her friend (I’ll let it slide because she is a 12 year old girl, and doesn’t know any better. Also, society would frown upon me if I then proceeded to punch a 12 year old girl in the stomach) but when an adult says it?

No, sorry, that shit isn’t going to happen on my watch. Read More…