Day 2 – Saturday

Right, so let’s talk about today then. It started out very slowly, with me being careful not to advertise to The Girlfriend the fact that I was horribly hung over, after the shenanigans of the previous night. We began with a hearty Karoo breakfast at the hotel (fried eggs, bacon and thick sausage), where I’m sure I pissed off the waiter, as I ended up ordering five glasses of orange juice in an attempt to wash away the taste of Jaeger and Tequila which was still coming out of my pores.

A morning poo and a quick shower later, and we were on the road, with the aim of exploring the nearby towns. We made a stop at a place called “Ronnies Sex Shop” which everyone apparently has to stop at when cruising through Route 62. Read More…

Day 1 – Friday

It’s late on Friday night – well, actually it’s more like the early hours of Saturday morning – and I am studiously and quietly typing away on my laptop, with one hand, whilst studiously and quietly feeling up The Girlfriend (fast asleep) with the other hand.

Today we arrived in Barrydale, our destination for the rest of the weekend. For those of you who don’t know this, Barrydale is a little farming town approximately 2.5 hours out of Cape Town. I say 2.5 hours, but it felt more like 10, as I have never been a big fan of long road trips. Read More…

This Doesn’t Make Me Weird, Right?

The Bathroom - Shaun keeps this shit on lockdown.

At the risk of repeating myself, when I’m alone at home and I climb into the shower (yes, I climb – there is a ladder and a rope and an obstacle course that I have to navigate through first) I always lock the bathroom door.

Always.

Not because I’m scared that The Girlfriend will quietly re-enter our home and walk in on me studiously stroking my inner thighs – I do that in front of her on a daily basis when she gets dressed in the morning and, although initially annoyed by my antics, she has learnt to live with it. Read More…

It’s A Little Overdone?

Awesome - Granted, This Is Awesome, But Don't Throw The Word Around For Everything.

The word “Awesome” has been used to death now. It’s a bit like how the word “nice” was used back in the 90′s. I think it’s time we retire it though, as the word has quickly lost its true meaning. I found a book in my chest of drawers the other day called a “Dictionary”, which contains words and their official meanings. It’s a pretty interesting book, I suggest you all get a copy. (The author is someone called “Oxford University” – you should look it up) Read More…

Why Am I Breaking Out?

Bad Skin - What Shaun is resembling right now.

The year was 1999, the Backstreet Boys had just released their magnus opus, Millenium, everyone was stocking up on baked beans, candles and toilet paper due to the impending Y2K bug that was going to destroy Eskom, Pick n Pay and Woolies (hence the need to stock up on baked beans, candles and toilet paper) and “the Facebook” was just another name for the photo album I kept, which contained the head shots of women I wanted to sleep with. Read More…

And This Is How I’ll Do It.

Shaun Oakes Whiskey - Coming Soon.

My friends keeps telling me that I have an ego. And that I am a shit friend. The shit friend accusation is one I strongly dispute (Barry, when I didn’t phone you for your birthday I was clearly being ironic. Sergio, I was being ironic with you too. Kurt, what can I say bud – I was going for the hat trick.)

The ego bit is something I shall not argue with though. I concede that I do have a slightly overweight ego, but it isn’t really my fault if it gets fed every day. Just one of those things, move on now everyone, let it go. Read More…

But Pranks Are Meant To Be Funny?

Prank calls - But make sure it is funny.

It’s the early hours of the morning and, by rights, I should now be lying under The Girlfriend, or at the very least be slightly on top of her (she doesn’t like it when I’m completely on top of her as I weigh a metric tonne and could risk smothering or crushing her).

As fate would have it however, I am not lying under or semi crushing The Girlfriend. No, I am instead sitting in the lounge typing away in my underpants. Typing away angrily. Why am I typing away angrily? Read More…

Let’s Have A Quick Chat About That.

Three strikes and you are gone, sister.

I realised the other day that it’s been nearly five years now since I first spiked The Girlfriend’s drink at Tiger Tiger, and we started hanging out. Sexually and what not. Wow, where did the time go? To put that into perspective, that’s the equivalent of finishing high school, or watching a cute yet slimy new born baby grow into a weird looking and awkward 5 year old. Being together for that long earns you loads of credit points, which gives you leeway when you screw up. Read More…