There, I Said It.

Christian Bale - As Dug By Shaun Oakes

Nothing exciting happening right now, it being Thursday after all, so I thought I’d share with you all a little Man Crush that I have.

I dig Christian Bale, the Welsh-born star of such movies as The Dark Knight, American Psycho and The Machinist. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I have a little Man Crush on him, not in a Brokeback Mountain I-wish-I-knew-how-to-quit-you sort of way. No, all I’m saying is, if he ever asked me out for dinner or a beer, I wouldn’t say no. Read More…

But They Are Useful And Can Be Communicated With.

Shaun Oakes - Giving people with blurry faces the Tazer treatment.

I am often referred to as a Blogger, as it’s something I do regularly (although yes, I realise it’s been several weeks since I last wrote anything. My humble apologies).

I am also however, often referred to as an Arsehole, more frequently than I would like to admit, and on many occasions by close friends and family. (I’m looking at you, Mom) I do believe though, that the two are more often than not synonymous. To be a Blogger, you are more than likely going to be a bit of an Arsehole as well, you kind of need to be, in order to thrive. I blog because I have a bit of an ego, and believe that there are people out there who have an interest in what I have to say. I don’t particularly like communicating with people offline, as I’m quite weird and in many instances can be completely socially inept, so I prefer chatting to you in this medium. Read More…

A Pet Hate Of Mine.

Captain Obvious - Telling you to stop talking shit.

If you have been living in Cape Town for the past 6 months, you will be quite familiar with the fact that we have “a bit of a wind problem”. Yes, it can get rather breezey at times, with the South Easter coming in at speeds of around 60 km per hour. (ie: strong enough to blow away a small child or dwarf – the shorter ones with the sausage fingers, not the taller dwarves, they are pretty solid on their feet.) Read More…

Or Am I Wrong Here?

Underarm Hair: Wrong, wrong, wrong. Right?

So I wore a vest the other day, and got laughed at hysterically by an obnoxious short women with small feet. She wasn’t laughing at me because I was wearing a vest – although admittedly, my shoulders and arms are looking a little milky grey these days, and should probably get some sun first. She wasn’t laughing at the white, cheeky shorts I was wearing either – I have the thick, muscular thighs of a seasoned Greco-Roman wrestler, so I could wear a Speedo and still look fabolous. Read More…

Come Up With A Character Name.

New Year’s Eve 2011 was pretty memorable for the fact that I went to a Circus Freaks dress up party in a skanky outfit, and I called someone a c*nt. (In my defense, he was acting like a huge derogatory term for a vagina though, so thoroughly deserved it)

For the dress up, I originally wanted to go as a bearded woman, but I couldnt find the right type of dress that would fit me. (The fancy dress lady told me I had the thighs of an adult bull elephant) I thus ended up wearing a see-through sarong, fishnet stockings, a tight black number showing off my man boobs, and a blonde wig. I’m not going to show you a full length body shot, as this may antagonise some of my readers, and may even trigger some latent homosexual tendencies some of you may have stored away. Read More…

You’re Better Than That.

Smokey and the Bandit, which I now know is a vintage muscle car. Not a Dinner Bill Bandit.

So I went to a dinner party the other night, at a vibey restaurant in Cape Town. Now, as anyone who knows me will tell you, I’ve never been the biggest fan of dinner parties. In fact, I look forward to dinner parties the way I look forward to breaking a leg, or having a car door close on my hand. I just find them too intimate for my liking, with everyone on top of one another, expected to make entertaining chit chat. Read More…

Let’s See How Long We Can Keep This Up

So it’s the 4th January and it’s time to talk about my New Year’s Resolutions.

What?

Oh, right… Happy New Year to you, hope it’s a great one and you achieve everything you set your mind to blah blah blah.

Okay, now back to me. So I’ve given it some careful thought, and I think these are the major things I should look at for 2011: Read More…

Because It’s December.

Just a quick shout out, I am still around (you can get numerous daily gems by following me on Twitter), but I’ve decided to reward myself for all the hard work I’ve done for you, and take a bit of a break.

In fact, instead of writing rude words on the computer today, I will be lying on the beach, getting sunburn. Read More…