As We Reminisce A Little Bit

This Seems Oddly Familiar...

This also takes me back to the fun times we had at Springboks, Conti’s and before that, Blink, in the days when brandy and cokes were the order of the day, and copious amounts of beer were consumed at Meadowridge forest (“the forage”) before going out for a night on the Town. (in Claremont)

Aaah, good times.

Checking Ou Camps Bay Night Clubs

Ignite And Zep Tepi

On Thursday after moving all the boxes into The HQ, it was decided that the new neighbourhood would be explored. Putting on my trusty explorer hat, a brown Indiana Jones style fedora, I dialled The Brand Ambassador and The Gupster, and told them to come on through. Upon their arrival, we rubbed two sticks together, creating fire and thus toasting the single slice of bread I owned. Once we were finished feasting, we jumped in the Gupstermobile and headed on out to Ignite in Camps Bay, where we planned to get smashed and act in a horribly juvenile manner.

While The Gupster was out and about pulling women, The Brand Ambassador and I milled for a bit on the deck, debating the merits of slinky pants over the micro, belt-like skirts which seemed to be in abundance at the club. A case in point was the pretty young brunette with the Cindy Crawford mole, who literally showed us her Hello Kitty panties every time she breathed.

After a session of heavy petting with a young floozie, The Gupster came back to us and we headed on out to Baraza, where I bumped into the Cape Town DJ and Top Billing presenter Jeanie D. I immediately apologised and helped her off the floor, but she was clearly in an unforgiving mood and sunk one of her razor-sharp nails into my Achilles tendon. As I hobbled off, it was decided not to hang around Baraza and so we headed off to Zep Teppi, a new club next door where we were promised free booze and snacks. By this stage I was famished and had begun nibbling on my forearm as it’s quite chunky and, with the right seasoning and a little imagination, actually tastes like chicken.

Booze was in abundance at Zep Teppi, the whiskey flowing like the Niagara Falls on a rainy day, but sadly snacks (and clientele) were lacking. We found the decor of the club quite interesting, with some sort of catwalk / lifted dancefloor in the centre of the club. We amused ourselves for a few minutes parading up and down the floor ala Fashion TV, The Gupster looking like an absolute tart in the high heels and fishnet stocking he found lying in the bathroom, but eventually the joke got old and so we headed on back to Ignite.

While The Gupster was out and about pulling women, The Brand Ambassador and I milled for a bit on the deck, debating the merits of plunging necklines over the push up padded bras which seemed to be in abundance at the club. A case in point was the pretty young redhead with the Cameron Diaz eyes, who literally affected the Moon’s gravitational pull every time she breathed.

After a session of heavy petting with a young floozie, The Gupster came back to us and we headed toward the dancefloor, where everyone made space for me and applauded my innovative dance moves. The truth was my snapped tendon was making it difficult for me to walk properly, and I was really on my way to the bar, but I lapped up the praise nonetheless. By this stage we were well and truly legless, almost literally in my case and so it was decided to head on home back to The HQ.

On our way out, we were greeted by the always funny sight of a girl giving a guy an almighty beating, as he had apparently groped her on the dancefloor. The girl was ably supported by a cripple, who used his crutches to great effect, smashing the groper’s knee caps into a thousand pieces. The Gupster whipped out a hand broom and attempted to sweep it up but the cripple was having none of it and tried attacking us.

His crutches meant he wasn’t the most mobile of creatures though and, in our irresponsibly drunken state, we still managed to make it to the car before he could unleash his fury on us. The Gupster quickly punched in the co-ordinates of The HQ and the Gupstermobile roared off into the night, leaving the angry mob the cripple had assembled in our wake. Feeling peckish at this stage, I grabbed The Gupster’s sun shade and a water bottle and combined it to quickly manufacture a crude hunting spear, using it to maim a grey pigeon which we then spit braaied once we reached home.

So that signalled my first night in Town, who knows what adventures await us next Thursday?

As Shaun Prepares To Invade The City Bowl

Shit, He's Coming.

So the day has finally arrived. After years of slight innuendo, then gentle persuasion and finally downright hostile threats, my parents have managed to convince me to leave the nest and go out into the big bad world in the City, and away from the quiet tranquility of the suburbs.

Despite their best efforts, I had stubbornly refused to see the signs – I probably should have caught on when the locks were mysteriously changed again, and I was forced to share my room with Thinus, the hairy former pig farmer from Mpumalanga.

So I’ll be offline for a few days, packing my clothes, furniture and collection of priceless artifacts and knick knacks picked up during the many years I spent as a fearless and wily adventurer. Short and sweet. Chat later then.

On A Warm Friday When The Air Conditioning Doesn’t Work

Something To Motivate The Staff

Nothing clever or witty to say about this. It made me laugh. Then it made me cry. Have a good weekend, chat later.

Shaun is Left With Stained Teeth

Belthazar: Not Just A Restaurant. A Wine Bar Too.

Wednesday was Valentine’s day, and so The Girlfriend and I went to Belthazar Wine Bar in the Waterfront, partly because neither of us can cook, but mainly because eating is a big hobby of mine (I do it on most days)

Essentially a steakhouse, the place is also a wine bar (as the name clearly suggests) and so we were greeted by a wine guy called Darius who took us through a variety of semi-sweets, chardonnays and merlots. Naturally I leaned toward the cheapest wine available, which is normally stored in room temperature cardboard box, but Darius was quite a forceful character and after putting me in a unrelenting choke-hold, I eventually conceded and went for one of his recommendations, a dry red which now may have left my teeth permanently stained.

Their steaks as you would expect, was of an exceptionally high quality, and once I found mine, which had been hiding under the lettuce leaves – I wolfed it down like a hungry… well… wolf. The bill was also reasonable, which The Girlfriend settled after I had absent mindedly left my wallet in my other handbag.

So… ja (yeah), that’s my story. I guess this was one of those “had-to-be-there” kind of stories. Gosh, I thought I had more to say actually, this is a little embarrassing. I must be really tired.

Shaun Barely Escapes With His Life

Someone You Might Bump Into Next Time.

As everyone knows, I have many interesting habits and idiosyncrasies. These include my favourite past time of chewing on my toenails and flicking them at my enemies. Another favourite habit or addiction I have is drinking copious amounts of Kuaui smoothies.

The other day myself, The Girlfriend and The Sister-In-Law went to get smoothies at Kuaui in Cavendish Square, Claremont, Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa, because:
A) they make the best smoothies in the world (fact) and
B) they are ice cold, and I enjoy getting brain freeze

Anyhoo, as we entered the first level of the parking lot, a huge, hairy, brown object came towards the car at breakneck speed, which obviously drew my attention as initially I thought it might be Bazza The Barry coming over to say hi. I hit the brakes like the true driving professional I am and watched in amazement as a giant brown rat came hurtling across our path. Honestly, it must have been the size of a small dog. Or a very hairy small child if it happened to walk on all fours.

We watched in amazement as it ran towards an old white woman who was attempting to break into a car, as old white women are prone to do. In one smooth movement the rat leapt up, bit the old bird’s head off, and then proceeded to break into the car himself. (We knew he was a guy rodent because we could see his balls, which were HUGE and made me feel very envious) Then, pulling away like a seasoned drag racer, it drove off, taking the Vineyard Road exit.

Shaun: Lucky To Be Alive

Seriously though, does Cavendish have a rodent problem? We were more than a little freaked out, and I had to carry The Girlfriends and The Sister-In-Law on each one of my massive shoulders because they are really afraid of rats, but obviously I’m not because I’m fearless and I eat rats for breakfast.

On the plus side, the smoothies kicked ass, as they always do.

Lays Down The Law, And Cops A Feel

DC Fearing The Wrath Of God.

Following last week’s religious experience, it was the turn of DC to be touched by His Grace, as a giant hand appeared out of nowhere on Sunday and began smacking him upside the head, apparently due to DC’s recent romantic shenanigans (Ooh, was that a personal in-joke? Indeed I think it was)

Nadine on the other hand, who was also in attendance, received a gentle and reassuring pat on the head, although she did claim the Giant Hand brushed her boob just before it disappeared.

Nadine: Pretty Chilled.

Holy Shit. I’m tired now. More updates later.

We Are Pleasantly Surprised

Let's All Give Them A Hand.

As everyone knows, Tuesday is Movie Night, and the other night The Girlfriend and I went to catch Little Miss Sunshine. This film has been receiving rave reviews from critics everywhere and so understandably I was a little hesitant to go and see it, as my movie tastes tend to go against popular critical convention. (To this day I am still pissed that Van Wilder never received the Oscar nomination I felt the movie rightly deserved)

Although my favoured brand of comedy tends to fall under the lowbrow toilet humour variety, I found this film incredibly funny. The jokes are not thrown in your face, and a lot of it derives from the awkward human interaction between an excellent cast. This includes Greg Kinnear, as an unintentionally cruel yet loving father determined not be tainted with the unwanted brush of “loser”. Steve Carell also gives a stellar performance as an incredibly sarcastic gay uncle, who can’t be left alone because of a recently developed habit of trying to kill himself.

The movie revolves around a dysfunctional family, of which Kinnear is the patriarch, who must travel 600 miles to a child beauty pageant for the sake of the little girl in the family, a chubby little 8 year old whose name escapes me now. (and I don’t feel like looking it up on IMDB.com – oh wait, her name is Abigail Breslin)

It’s essentially a road trip movie, where the family – who initially hate one another – bands and bonds together during the long and arduous trip, resulting in a hilarious and entertaining final segment which literally had me choking on my popcorn. All in all, a very entertaining little film. Go in without any preconceived ideas and you will leave the cinema with a smile on your face, unless you actually intended on watching Rocky Balboa, and ended up in the wrong theatre, then you wouldn’t be too happy I guess.