And This Is How I’ll Do It.

Shaun Oakes Whiskey - Coming Soon.

My friends keeps telling me that I have an ego. And that I am a shit friend. The shit friend accusation is one I strongly dispute (Barry, when I didn’t phone you for your birthday I was clearly being ironic. Sergio, I was being ironic with you too. Kurt, what can I say bud – I was going for the hat trick.)

The ego bit is something I shall not argue with though. I concede that I do have a slightly overweight ego, but it isn’t really my fault if it gets fed every day. Just one of those things, move on now everyone, let it go. Read More…

But Pranks Are Meant To Be Funny?

Prank calls - But make sure it is funny.

It’s the early hours of the morning and, by rights, I should now be lying under The Girlfriend, or at the very least be slightly on top of her (she doesn’t like it when I’m completely on top of her as I weigh a metric tonne and could risk smothering or crushing her).

As fate would have it however, I am not lying under or semi crushing The Girlfriend. No, I am instead sitting in the lounge typing away in my underpants. Typing away angrily. Why am I typing away angrily? Read More…

Let’s Have A Quick Chat About That.

Three strikes and you are gone, sister.

I realised the other day that it’s been nearly five years now since I first spiked The Girlfriend’s drink at Tiger Tiger, and we started hanging out. Sexually and what not. Wow, where did the time go? To put that into perspective, that’s the equivalent of finishing high school, or watching a cute yet slimy new born baby grow into a weird looking and awkward 5 year old. Being together for that long earns you loads of credit points, which gives you leeway when you screw up. Read More…

Let’s Educate Everyone

Spur Steak Ranches: Oozing with Win and Awesome.

The other day on Twitter (which reminds me, you should probably follow me) I was gently mocked about the fact that I admitted to liking the Spur. Seeing as how it’s late on Monday evening and I can’t sleep, I thought I would outline some reasons why eating at a Spur Steak Ranch is quite possibly one of the best things in life.

After sex of course. Oh, and finding money in an old coat. Read More…

There, I Said It.

Christian Bale - As Dug By Shaun Oakes

Nothing exciting happening right now, it being Thursday after all, so I thought I’d share with you all a little Man Crush that I have.

I dig Christian Bale, the Welsh-born star of such movies as The Dark Knight, American Psycho and The Machinist. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I have a little Man Crush on him, not in a Brokeback Mountain I-wish-I-knew-how-to-quit-you sort of way. No, all I’m saying is, if he ever asked me out for dinner or a beer, I wouldn’t say no. Read More…

But They Are Useful And Can Be Communicated With.

Shaun Oakes - Giving people with blurry faces the Tazer treatment.

I am often referred to as a Blogger, as it’s something I do regularly (although yes, I realise it’s been several weeks since I last wrote anything. My humble apologies).

I am also however, often referred to as an Arsehole, more frequently than I would like to admit, and on many occasions by close friends and family. (I’m looking at you, Mom) I do believe though, that the two are more often than not synonymous. To be a Blogger, you are more than likely going to be a bit of an Arsehole as well, you kind of need to be, in order to thrive. I blog because I have a bit of an ego, and believe that there are people out there who have an interest in what I have to say. I don’t particularly like communicating with people offline, as I’m quite weird and in many instances can be completely socially inept, so I prefer chatting to you in this medium. Read More…

A Pet Hate Of Mine.

Captain Obvious - Telling you to stop talking shit.

If you have been living in Cape Town for the past 6 months, you will be quite familiar with the fact that we have “a bit of a wind problem”. Yes, it can get rather breezey at times, with the South Easter coming in at speeds of around 60 km per hour. (ie: strong enough to blow away a small child or dwarf – the shorter ones with the sausage fingers, not the taller dwarves, they are pretty solid on their feet.) Read More…

Or Am I Wrong Here?

Underarm Hair: Wrong, wrong, wrong. Right?

So I wore a vest the other day, and got laughed at hysterically by an obnoxious short women with small feet. She wasn’t laughing at me because I was wearing a vest – although admittedly, my shoulders and arms are looking a little milky grey these days, and should probably get some sun first. She wasn’t laughing at the white, cheeky shorts I was wearing either – I have the thick, muscular thighs of a seasoned Greco-Roman wrestler, so I could wear a Speedo and still look fabolous. Read More…