Play The European Lottery

I enjoy gambling.

I gamble with my life every morning on Hospital Bend, I gamble with my health whenever I burn The Girlfriend's Sunday toast, and I gamble some of my vast riches on the various lotto games available in South Africa.

At least, I USED to play the local lotto games, until I discovered the European Lottery, which kicks the games we have in South Africa squarely in the balls, squashing both testicles in the process, I might add. After all, why use up all your luck winning a paltry R2 million, when you can go big and win R640 million?

Yes, it may sound cool to call yourself a "millionaire", but the fact is that R2 millions is NOT going to get you that holiday villa in Clifton, the flashy Italian sports car, or the Russian bimbo with the boob job and coke habit.

So the R640 million would obviously be more to your liking. That's the current jackpot, after a rollover last week. I've been playing for the last couple of months, and I have already won thousands of rarnts (payouts are in Euros, so it's x 12).

So how does one play?

Firstly, go to the Euro Millions website and register. (It's just your name, email address etc)

Once your registration is confirmed, you get to pick your lucky five numbers - (1-50), as well as another two numbers (from 1-9)

Once you've made your selection, you order the ticket with your credit card, as you're obviously playing over the internet. If you don't have a credit card, now would be a good time to get a free Virgin Money card. Spoil yourself, the interest rate will drop soon, I promise.

And that's it. With your winnings, feel free to buy me some champagne or even a beer when you see me slurring at the bar.

You will certainly be able to afford it.

Unless you're going to be one of those reclusive, stingy, rich arseholes that you occasionally read about in lifestyle magazines. The ones that are "eccentric" and continue to drive their little Ford Escort, whilst still working as an office clerk because they "don't know how to live any other way".

Shit, if I won the jackpot, no one would ever hear from me again. And that includes family and friends. Okay, in al honesty, I would probably just disappear for about a year, then have a movie made about it, starring Tom Cruise and Patricia Lewis. I don't really know where Patricia would fit in yet, but I've always wanted to see her on the big screen. In a skimpy gold bikini.

Anyway, I think I've spoken enough shit today.

PLAY THE EUROPEAN LOTTERY - CLICK HERE



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