13 Things We'd Like To See In The World Cup Final

It's the Rugby World Cup final, it's South Africa against England, and it's 13 things we would like to see happen this Saturday:

1) Eddie Jones to completely piss off the Australian nation with a passionate and full blooded rendition of Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrica / Die Stem during the national anthems.

2) The Springbok team, lead by Johny Clegg and a couple of Inkatha Freedom Party members, face up to the English and perform that Zulu Dance we all heard about.

3) Hugh Bladen to only finish one bottle of whiskey before the match begins. His co-commentator Garth Wright's balls to finally drop and his voice to eventually break, giving him a deep and pleasant baritone just in time for kickoff.

4) Hugh Bladen to go through the entire match without making a single reference to any high school or agricultural college a player may have attended.

5) Johnny Wilkinson to actually break into a smile during the game. Johnny Wilkinson to also acknowledge that when he's not playing rugby, he goes by the name of Heath Ledger.

6) Schalk Burger to actually throw a pass during the game.

7) Madiba to rock up on the field and knock over a 60 metre drop kick. Just for shit.

8) The Springboks to win the World Cup, thanks to Madiba's drop kick.

9) Madiba to then admit that he doesn't really care much for rugby, preferring women's beach volleyball instead.

10) Bakkies Botha is named Man Of The Match and thanks "The Great Beholder Jesus Christ", who then surprisingly pitches up to tell him that he's welcome, and offers to buy him a beer.

11) Os Du Randt to sheepishly announce that he is actually turning 50 this year.

12) Francois Steyn to sheepishly announce that he is actually turning 18 this year.

13) Jake White to finally confirm the rumours that Wynand Olivier is actually his son.



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