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The Legend Of Kurt Darren

12 February, 2008

Guys, Let's Be Honest Here - We Don't Look Good In Skinny Jeans.

Especially You Over There. Yes I'm Talking To You, Cut That Shit Out.

It was Tuesday, and to celebrate it, The Girlfriend and I decided to exchange gifts. I got her a box of glass tumblers, as she had been moaning for months about having to make guests drink water straight from the tap, whilst she in turn gave me a pair of grey skinny jeans.

This obviously didn't sit well with me, as there are very few things I hate more than skinny jeans, especially grey ones.

"Why would you buy me this?", I demanded, and hurled it back at her in an ungrateful manner. This obviously didn't sit well with The Girlfriend - she hates it when I hurl things, as I throw like a girl - and a domestic row soon began. Unfortunately, I AGAIN underestimated how strong she is for such a petite woman, and she soon had me in a vicious full nelson neck hold, refusing to break it until I had apologised for my outburst, given her my pin number, and eaten the week-old chicken in the fridge.

Once I had finished throwing up, and taken my medication for the salmonella poisoning, I sat down and stared at my latest piece of clothing attire, trying to fathom the attraction these pants seem to have.

Why HAVE skinny jeans become so popular these days? Isn't it meant for women?

Skinny Jeans - Meant For Women?
Skinny Jeans - Meant For Women?

As a red-blooded male, I can't think of anything worse than wearing skin-tight denim, which merely serves to highlight your chicken legs, as well as your overly large feet. Also, isn't it tight on the package? How uncomfortable must THAT be?

Skinny Jeans - How Uncomfortable Must THAT Be?
Skinny Jeans - How Uncomfortable Must THAT Be?

Clearly it must be, as the latest trend is for guys to wear it really low, basically hanging around their ankles. What's this? Are the Orange Organics auditioning for a new member? Is it Pugwall's turn to make an ironically fashionable comeback?

No, it's not quite time yet.

Guys, let's nip this skinny jeans thing in the bud. It's embarrassing, and makes my tummy feel funny.

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