We Have A Look At The Teams Involved.

Cricket - The Game Of The People.

I was expecting to watch my beloved Survivor on SABC 3 on Tuesday, when I was instead greeted by this whole “Pro 20 World Cup” thing.

Also known as the T20 or the Twenty20 (wasn’t that the name of a failed internet bank from a few years back?) this will be on our television screens for the next few weeks. Apparently South Africa is hosting this event, which is an abbreviated version of the 1 Day game, which is an abbreviated version of the 5 Day game.

And so, in the spirit of the recent Rugby World Cup Guide, I decided to do some research and find out about the countries competing in this event.

Australia - This little island off the coast of New Zealand is well known for it’s sporting prowess, producing a consistent batch of over-achieving cricketers, who literally grow on trees there, thanks to new developments in biotechnology. Recently reclaimed as a colony of South Africa, with a reported 8 out of every 10 Australians originating from the Republic, Australia are the odds on favourites to win the T20 World Cup, as they are the current 5 Day and 1 Day champions, and are rather fond of winning things.

Bangladesh - This country is in Asia somewhere, I couldn’t really be bothered to find out exactly where because they have absolutely no chance in this tournament. Nadda. None at all. They are apparently considered to be a developing super power in the game, as the country is overflowing with cricket-mad players. The problem though, as that the cricket-mad players are all rubbish.

England - The inventors and originators of the game of cricket, which they then exported to the entire world. Except the USA who had already invented baseball. Predictably, England are now rather crap at the game, regularly whipped by the countries they first mentored, except Bangladesh of course, who are even worse than England.

India - The home of 1 billion and 23 people, 1 billion of which are avid cricket followers (the other 23 being ice hockey fanatics.) Having shunned baseball and basketball, Indians quickly took to cricket, becoming one of the game’s great super powers. They don’t tend to travel very well though, and because the T20 World Cup in not being held in India, they are not expected to do very well.

Kenya - One of the minnows of the Twenty20 World Cup, together with Scotland, Bangladesh and the West Indies. Kenya are well known for their long distance runners, as they do not have many cars in the country, so people tend to jog for hundreds of kilometres at a time. Although this translates to good athletes, it doesn’t create good cricket players though and they are not expected to do much in the tournament. They are quite likeable though, as they tend to be polite and rarely late.

New Zealand - A country famous for the All Blacks, Russell Crowe as well as 80’s pop group Crowded House, New Zealand also have a pretty decent cricket team. Like Crowded House, on their day they are capable of causing a surprise with a big performance or two. Like Russell Crowe, on their day they are also capable of totally losing it. May well be a dark horse in the Pro 20.

Pakistan - A bit like India in that they are regarded as one of the game’s better teams. Very temperamental though, they tend to replace their coaches and captains every fortnight or so. Because of this, half of Pakistan have represented the national cricket team, either as a coach or as a captain. They are another country who tend not to travel well and so will not be expected to go very far. They may also be fasting soon, and thus may not be very keen to run around in the dry, hot conditions of South Africa.

Scotland - Although excelling in their national past time of drinking and wife-beating, Scotland are not really renowned for their cricketing prowess, having secured entry to the T20 World Cup thanks to a dare by a member of the International Cricket Council. May arrive to South Africa’s shores with a throng of Scottish supporters, wearing those red wigs and tartan kilts that everyone loves.

South Africa - The hosts of the Twenty20, South Africa will be hoping to do better than the last time they hosted a Cricket World Cup, where they choked and ended up being knocked out by Sri Lanka. As any South African will tell you, there is nothing worse than being beaten in a Cricket World Cup by Sri Lanka. It just feels weird. South Africa will be skippered by former male model Graeme Smith, who will be hoping for a triumphant performance by the home side.

Sri Lanka - Famous for their tea and the occasional terrorist bombings, Sri Lanka are also a pretty explosive team, possessing a number of players who can single-handedly win games. I could mention a few of them, but no one would would ever be able to pronounce their names. Besides Russel Arnold, he had a pretty easy name. He doesn’t play anymore though. Rest assured, Sri Lanka will definitely be in with a shout at the T20.

West Indies - The West Indies comprise a number of small islands, most famous of which are Jamaica. They were once a formidable team, but are pretty crap presently, regularly getting caned by the likes of Kenya, Scotland, but not Bangladesh. Obviously. They won’t offer much and shouldn’t be considered favourites.

Zimbabwe - Not really interested in competing in the Twenty20. Rumours abound that they have actually been sent down here to set up a stockpile of food, medical supplies, as well as Beacon Liquorice All Sorts, which is a personal favourite of Robert Mugabe.

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