Seagulls.

I've never quite understood the whole vibe with seagulls.

Let's face it, they aren't lovable or affectionate like canaries, they can't speak and say amusing things like parrots, and they're not even able to sing like those cute little black birds who chill outside my toilet window. (before sadly killing themselves after I've pulled a solid twenty minute stint in there)

I don't want to sound like an arsehole or anything, but in all fairness, what do seagulls actually bring to the table? It's not as if they play a vital role in that whole "nature's food chain" thing, do they? I'm sure we can get someone else to eat all the excess hot chips and leftover take-aways that they help us get rid of.

I have yet to meet someone who actually LIKES them, as they tend to be rather unsociable and overly aggressive. I have also yet to hear about a seagull actually doing anything constructive with his life. Even pigeons, for all their numerous faults, can be trained to deliver messages when Telkom have mistakenly cut your phone lines, but seagulls? No f**king chance.

All they seem to do is shit on my car, and squawk at me. Oh, and I've also noticed this other thing they do now where they swoop down and fly toward my head, before pulling up at the last possible second, causing me to scream hysterically and embarrass myself in front of all the street kids outside the V & A Waterfront.


Seagulls: Arseholes

The SPCA will probably be up in arms over this, but can we not maybe just pack them all up and send them away somewhere?

Like Sydney?

Or Auckland?

Can we not send them to Auckland?

Seriously, can we?



[ | ]

Did you enjoy this post? Of course you did! Now join my growing army of subscribers and get free updates in your Inbox whenever I write something breathtakingly new. Become cool by association and get ShaunOakes.com in your Inbox.